We’ve all heard, or used the expression, “You push my buttons”. This phrase refers to our feeling frustrated, sad or annoyed by something our partner has said. When this kind of thing happens it’s tempting to see our partner as the source of these feelings. We might even think to ourselves, “If they didn’t say these things, then I wouldn’t feel this way”.

While that statement may be true, I believe that when we choose this point of view, we also choose to give up power over how we feel. In this way we also choose to deny that these feelings are ours and that they say a lot more about us than they do about our partner.

If we choose to answer the question, “Whose buttons are they?” with the statement, “Mine.”, then we are taking the first step toward ownership of our feelings and the first step toward empowerment over how we feel in response to our partner and what they think, say or do.

If we choose to work with this idea of taking ownership of our feelings, or ownership of our “buttons”, then one possibility is to become curious about our feelings. We can ask, “What are my feelings?” and maybe even consider the bigger question, “What do my feelings say about me?”